When it’s hard to love …

One of my deepest desires has been to have the kind of love that God has – all-encompassing, not prejudiced and unspoiled by human expectations. It’s near-impossible (not impossible) but I’ve been trying in my own little ways to ensure that there are fewer people I dislike. And that’s why this important lesson that I learnt recently, makes a world of difference.

I had been having some tough times with an erstwhile friend who had gone all out to betray me. I told myself that I would simply cut her out of my life. And yet, deep down, I knew it was wrong. And one day, I asked God for help. I knew I had tried my best but there were no results.

It was amazing! Within just a week of praying about it, I found that I was able to relate to her. In fact, I met her recently and we had a great time. This would have been impossible a week ago! Gone were those feelings of anger, betrayal and helplessness. I know I have been healed supernaturally. Of course, I feel as light as a cloud and as chirpy as a bird in spring.

Lesson 1: Take it to the Lord!
Lesson 2: It’s not worth holding on to negativity when you can find freedom by just asking.
Lesson 3: God cares about these little things too! (Don’t forget, He sees a sparrow fall!)

Soaring like eagles

Recently I was asked by a kindly blogger acquaintance for my profile. So I got working on it. While filling up my profile, the image of an eagle seemed to soar high on my mind. That’s when I remembered a childhood love of mine – eagles. I remember lying on our lawn with the magic of the cool grass, a brilliant blue sky and a solitary eagle. I could watch eagles for hours. I was and still am fascinated with the way it soars, glides and swoops. Nary a flap or mindless fluttering. They just soar taking advantage of the currents. Maybe it’s just a bird, but there’s something singularly exclusive about an eagle.

And that’s one of the reasons why I love that verse (Isaiah 40:31) that says,

“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

What a powerful imagery of God’s love!

The love test

One day at Sunday School, we were given an exercise that is still so very vivid and relevant to me. We were studying the passage of love – 1 Corinthians 13:4 – 7.

Here’s how it I split it up:

- Love is patient.
- Love is kind.
- Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
- Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
- Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
- Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

And we were asked to replace the word love with our own names.
Oh no! My name would not fit.

It still remains a challenge after so many years. Yet, every once in a while, I do this ‘love test’ to gauge how far I’ve come.

Why do I love God?

I’ve always had a relationship with God for as long as I can remember. At first, He was the God of my parents. In my teens He became a very real part of my life and I learnt to talk to him because I wanted to talk to him and not because I wanted to pray. It was a smooth journey until a couple of days ago, this little voice rose up and asked me an important question – why do I love God?

Is it because He’s been part of my life since I was a baby? Or is it because He does nice things for me? Both the questions make me feel selfish. Is it possible to love God just the way I love anybody else – my family, fiancé and friends. That’s unconditional (to a large extent, I think.) I love them irrespective of whether they do things for me. But is it the same with God? Why do I have a relationship with Him? Well, that’s a lot to ponder on for the weekend.

Finally … Day 3

The day dawned beautifully again – like the other two days. On my way to work, I decided to fill up some petrol. The attendants were sloppy and there was a queue. Finally, when my turn came, the attendant directed me to come forward without paying attention to the soon-to-be-noticed fact that somebody’s toes were in the way. And so, I ran my rear tires on this poor guy’s toes. I was mortified. Fortunately, there had been no damage but the guy just yelled his head off! Naturally. He screamed at me, the attendant and the traffic department. Maybe some others too but I was just too embarrassed to pay attention. Soon I realized the apologies were only carried away by the wind and none had rested on him. I left the bunk after filling up. But those 10 minutes had been enough. I was suddenly gripped with an unreasonable fear. I had been in some kind of cocoon for over a year and I felt as though the protective covering had been ripped off. I felt vulnerable to the elements. It was not a nice feeling at all. I reached office in a daze and took some time to calm down. I got started with my day so I would not have to face the turbulence within me. Well, that was that. I had to take some quick decisions:

- I could not and would not succumb to the irrational fear of circumstances.
- Accidents are accidents and they do happen.
- People do yell at others in public but that’s because they (think they) have a reason to.

All in all, I did not have convincing reasons to give up anything – my driving or my life alone(away from my parents). I’ve decided to file away the past three days as experiences.

Well, that’s that. The days have been sweeter since then. I take less for granted. Yes, sometimes I feel that little thought popping up now and then trying to condemn me for having left the tap open, not double-checking about the bill payment or even trusting the petrol bunk attendant to direct me. But I’m learning to stomp that down and live free. Free from those little fears and worries that nibble away at our everyday happiness.

The anchor holds!

My boat’s getting rocked! Day 2

The day dawned beautifully as it had been declared a holiday and we were going out on an office treat, a lunch and a movie, to celebrate a successful launch. True to the morning’s promise, the day was beautiful.

As I was chatting with my friends late in the evening, I had a call from one of my neighbors. I had left a tap open and now water was flowing out from under my door and onto the stairway and therefore, they had had to shut off water supply to the entire block! I was mortified. I remembered that when I had left home, there had been no water supply, so I might have left a tap open, inadvertently. I rushed back home and apologized to my neighbors for the inconvenience caused. They were all kind in their response. Though I was smiling on the outside, I was mentally simply kicking myself. I felt so stupid. After a year of being the ideal resident, I felt so foolish. But again, all had not been lost. There were small mercies here too!

- Thank goodness the water supply was restored only late afternoon and therefore, the call had come through only in the evening. (My day might have been ruined.)
- I spoke to neighbors who I had never seen before. And now I have new faces to smile at.
- The water had not destroyed anything at home.
- None of my neighbors were rude or blamed me.

I arrived at a conclusion: No matter how perfect and proper I try to be, accidents do happen. And it was an accident. I was touched when an elderly neighbor gently put her arm on my shoulder and said, “That’s okay. We all forget at times.” Thank you ma’am. You have no idea what those words meant to me that day.

My boat’s getting rocked! Day 1

Have you ever had a string of embarrassing moments, moments when you feel a little lonely and moments of utter helplessness? Well, I had times like that last week – three days at a stretch! Here’s my account of Day 1.

Monday, I headed back home after a long day at work only to find my apartment complex cloaked in darkness. There had been a power cut. Then at the entrance, I was stopped by one of the security guys who informed me that the Electricity Board guys had come to disconnect my power as I had not paid my bill for the month. I was stumped for I knew I had paid my bill. My day could not have turned worse. An unexpected delay at work, followed by a power cut and topped off with this news. However, the apartment admin had intervened and therefore, I was not left in the dark.

Now here’s where it gets interesting. Just before leaving office, I had cleaned out my ATM to do some shopping. So naturally, I was not sure if I had enough to pay my bill because I did not know how much I had to pay, fine included. I headed back to my office to pick up my EB Card so that the bill could be paid the next day. I also decided to check if by some miracle there would be money in my account. The chances were slim as I was not sure if my salary had been credited into my account. Anyways, I did and guess what! There was money there!

Now I could have just dismissed it as a stroke of luck working in tandem with the undeniable phenomenon of coincidences. However, only when I got to office the next day, I saw the mail from my accounts team regretting that for some technical reasons, they were unable to credit our salaries into our accounts. That’s when my heart began to race faster. So how come money had become available to me? I do not have the answer but for some reason, my salary had been credited in that 15-minute gap. The next day my bill was paid the EB and that’s when I realized what had been deducted was the annual deposit and not my bill. Anyway to make up for the faux pas, they did not even ask for the fine. And I learnt a couple of things here:

- Sometimes, it seems as though the world conspires against you but actually it only seems so. It’s not a fact.
- Knowledge can sometimes corrupt you. If I had seen that mail from the Accounts team, I might have not even bothered to check my ATM.
- There are usually strangers to do you a good turn like my apartment admin guys who ensured that the power was not cut off.
- Similarly, it was good that I had reached home late that night as the power came back within an hour. Or I would have had to stay in darkness for several hours.

So you see, I really had no reason to complain. It had become a great situation to exercise my faith and get that all-empowering assurance that there was someone out there who looks out for me!

I love froth ...

Recently I realized an unrealized love of mine – froth. I like froth on my milk, my tea and coffee. I like the frilly froth that borders the water’s edge on the seaside. I like working up a lather when I bathe. I like to see my slim glass of orange juice topped with a layer of puffy, white froth. I like it when I’m served milkshake with a thick topping of froth. Oh yes! I love the play of air and water that results in this merry entity called froth. It’s often short-lived like a flower by the wayside but nevertheless, its two or three minutes of existence is enough to make my day. Cheers to the little things of life like froth! :-)

There’s always something good!

A couple of weeks ago, I was introduced to a young lady - just married and already asking for a divorce. Her reasons were complex and the colors of love had not even touched the pathetic picture that she painted of her life. After a few sessions with her, I came to the conclusion that her cure lay in living with her husband alone (she lives with her in-laws now) and getting to know him for who he is. My reasoning was simple – how can a man be all-bad and not have a single good quality?

After a busy day at work followed by a long phone conversation with the lady in question, I silently groaned out to God saying “Was there a chance this lady could start her married life all over again?” The next day dashed any hope I had – her husband had left her! He’d just packed his bags and walked away. I could see all my hopes for her come crashing down. All I could say then was “God knows.” It sounded so bleak to me too. A couple of days later, I received a happy call from the same girl - the husband had come back. There had been a family conference where it had been unanimously decided that this lady would now live alone with her husband! His mother graciously gave this suggestion and blessed them saying, “Learn to love one another.”

Well, that was a miracle that stunned me! When all hope had gone, not only did a glimmer of light appear but a whole rainbow! Of course, I’m elated that miracles still form a core part of human lives!