One of life’s lessons …

I know this was intended to be a ‘happy’ place with just the nice things. The clouds, the rain, the thorns, the disappointments were kept at bay. Well today, I had to really come to terms with the fact that I needed to treat rain and sunshine alike. Or the roses and thorns alike. And I know I’m sounding so clichéd! It just so happens that I made up my mind I would never ever let on if I was blue. That I would bury myself and hide until I was ready to face sunshine again. And I realized well, that’s not healthy. So here I am, sharing something that I hope will make some sense to others too.

And if you’re wondering what brought all this on, here it is. It was a kind of betrayal. (Sounds like such a strong word. I’ll change it when I find a not-so-strong word for it.) Have you ever felt that strange feeling when someone you value a lot and look up to deliberately does a nasty act that shocks you? It happened to me yesterday for the first time ever and I was, naturally, upset.

And to ensure that I don’t waste more than a couple of days feeling the sadness, I have three courses of action:
- Ignore this person completely. I’m pretty good at it. But then I would have to face the pain if I were to see this person again.
- Retaliate. Well, I would have to think A LOT. ‘Cos it’s hard and I’m not good at it.
- Pretend it never happened and continue relating to this person. Which means when I feel blue the next time, the episode would in all probability cascade into a bigger mountain inside my head.
- Tell myself, it’s a down-phase and accept it.
- Genuinely forgive. Which means I need to come to terms with the episode and even though I try to find a logical reason (my great big weakness) for it, I stand the risk of not being able to find one. And I have to still say, it’s ok. And smile.

I’ll be honest. I don’t think right now I’m emotionally stable enough to do something about it. I’m letting the dust settle. Only for a day, at the most. Can’t afford to go on feeling bad.